Missing Rhino

Grief 
Sorrow for my beloved dog
Overwhelming
Non-stop tears
Seems to be attached 
To thoughts and memories

And I notice--
When I let go of words
And the 'story of Rhino'
My thoughts stop
And in the stillness
In the silence
He is right here
Complete, whole
My heart is happy and full
Of love and joy
And I know 
He can never leave me

Then the words come back
And I sob--so bereft
Missing his silly antics
I notice that grief seems to live
In the imagination
So I let go of ideas, words, images
And, again, he is right here
Even closer than in life
When we're separated
By our bodies

Next night:
Rhino-Rhininski came to me
I could sense his presence
I was doom scrolling on FB
Revisiting photos of him
He told me to put the phone down
I did

He came to thank me
For all the love
He said: "All the things
You're missing came from you...
Not me."
He shows me 
Doing the wiggle butt dance
Singing the made-up lullabyes
Playing fetch and tug and keep away
Introducing him to the 'smells'
"It was you." He said. "All you"
And then he thanked me for my hands
"You know you have the best hands."
He said.

I could feel his energy
Whole, free
He is fine--and grateful
Pure love
And I am at peace 

Until the next onslaught 
Of words veils reality

bjbeyers 2023

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